On Notice

 

I guess I just have to do
Something
Hey, HEY
To get noticed
Up/down
Spinning/around
Hey now. Hey there
Don’t be feeling
Your feelings…
Your quota is filled
Hey now. Hey, see me yet?
Gears gathering
Fears furthering
Dreams dithering
No más para usted, bebé
For two thousand, seventeen
This year no hay más espacio
No seeing and no feeling
Not to rent, borrow or steal
Buena suerte, mi gentes
Jump away all day
Up/Down/Around

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Time 

Time ticks on, on, on
It cares not for tears
Nor for spare change
The hands sweep on
Past hunger, past heartache
No time for fears 
No time for Resistance 
Tick, tick, tick on

Time moves on even when I cry
She flies, oh flies 
She cares not, but steadily dies

Time moves on even when I cry
Each moment gone
Struggling to go on
Until the break of dawn

Dish Wash

Soap suds spilling 
Inside my gloved hands
All over the kitchen floor
Will these dishes be clean
As clean as the kitchen floor
As clean as the dining table
As clean as my heart is able. 

Off with my rubbered hands
Hot, heated, hatred
Water scalding naked skin
A favoured dish breaks
It cuts across the bubbles
It cuts the meat of my palm
It cuts at my will, once strong

Sharp shards shift shyly
As I collect pieces of dish
The bag fills quite banally
A sigh escapes a trembled lip
I pick up and throw it out
I pick up and throw us out
I pick up and throw you out
 

Women’s March: NYC and the World

For those who wanted to march, yet weren’t able to, I marched for you, just as others before me brought forth the torch of justice for me to be here today. I am proud, as a Canadian, as an American immigrant, as a daughter of immigrants, to have been part of global history. I am incredibly grateful for all the husbands, fathers, grandpas, brothers, friends–men who unhesitatingly understood the bigger picture with great love in their giant hearts–who participated and helped to empower us all. I’m overwhelmed with love and AWE for having been surrounded by my sisters of the world, coming together in solidarity from every walk of life imaginable. I’m also grateful for my Great Comet Family, on a super challenging work day, for jumping in to help and supporting without hesitation. 
Democracy is at work! Everyone who marched felt its energy and its power, flowing like ribbons of light within our veins! Tomorrow, we continue to fight for freedom and tomorrow we put passion into action!
#womensmarch2017 #womensrightsarehumanrights #justiceforall #letsgettowork

Sleeves

My heart is a big Christmas sleeve

Of temperance and temperatures 

Arguing loves, unintentional; apparently

Missing the in-law interfacing, who knows 
Yet, still, harbouring in our long silence

No equanimous highlights thus far live

In the shimmers and shines of high life

Only hugs and awkwardness remains

Al-Anon: experiencing self-care within a community of survivors. 

There are so many stories of grief, of “just” surviving and healing out there. I say “just” because living doesn’t happen for many until recovery–it is about just surviving the day. I’ve spent most of my childhood and young adult life in some kind of survival mode and I now find myself in a compassionate community of others recovering from similar feelings. 

I’m incredibly grateful I’ve decided to attend Al-Anon meetings because even though alcoholism isn’t a disease in my family, the trauma from being raised by a narcissistic father runs eerily parallel to alcoholic survivors. Meeting after meeting reveals very similar pain, sadness, abandonment and self-flagellation: how can I fix this? How can I be different? How could I have done better? These feelings and auto-responses bear witness in friendships and romantic relationships. 

Of course, it’s none of those things. To actually know it in the heart and practice it, well, there’s the rub. The struggle and the attachments, ergo, a community to share in our humanness. I’m fortunate to want to practice hearing the wisdom of Buddhist teachings reach my heart. It could be any spiritual practice that opens the heart really. Synchronistically, these same philosophies come through in meetings as we all share stories of recovery. It’s truly amazing. “Letting go” and “let live” and “self-care”. Practice. Practice. Practice. Amazing. 

Community reminds you that you are not responsible for any of those “other people” or fixing or controlling or “making her/him see her/his destructive behaviour”; but to find forgiveness within yourself for fallibilities. In the end, being in a community of fellow survivors of childhood and adulthood trauma is healing. Also too, practicing what “safety”, “vulnerability” and “openness” can feel like to survivors who have had little to none in their lives. 

Being able to honestly communicate from the heart at three minute intervals is incredibly powerful. Listening to other human beings share their grief, pain, joy–I keep crying it’s so healing as the trauma finds it way out–finally. 

Finally. 

It’s an incredible level of self-care that I’m grateful to share. 

Peace everyone. 

My Artist’s Prayer

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My Artist’s Prayer

Practice Open-heartedness

It is “The Way”

When you feel stuck–

Feel the Fear

And do it anyway.

Practice meditation

Let your mind rest

Bring your soul forward

Breathing is best.

Trust your spirit

Help it grow,

Help it love,

Help it sing,

Notice all it brings.

Surround yourself with

Love, Peace and Joy

For Happiness is

All betwixt Alpha and Omega:

Love breaks down walls

Heals old wounds

Reveals synchronicities;

Uncovers creativities.

 

–Namaste